Thursday, June 2, 2011

The Pool and a Baby Bird.

Do you think I love my dogs too much?  The kids get to play with the hose but the dogs get a pool!!

Yup, that's a pool alright!  A plastic pool from K-Mart (they were close.  Don't judge me.)  Pickles really loves it but Nea, not so much.  But Mac, they're a Pit and an AmStaff!  Why would you put them in a pool?  They're not water Labs there.  Well, Pickles is.  She jumps right in.  She even gets a running start and jumps in!  She loves it!  Nea, not so much.  Pickles splashes about and gets wet.  Nea, not so much.  Pickles is wagging her tail and having fun!  Nea, not so much.  You can see where this is going.  Nea doesn't like the water but let the pool be empty and I can't get her out of it!

So now the pool is empty and they're playing in it; Nea won't get out!  She just stands there and watches Pickles jump in an out.  Okay, I wish you all could be in my backyard to see this:  Pickles is staring at the hose then she looks at me!  "Daddy!  We need water!" she seems to say.  "Pickles, Nea doesn't need water.  Look at her.  She's happy" I say.  "But Daaaaaaaaady!" replies Pickles "I want water"!  "I know Pickles, but not right now.  After lunch" I say.  "Okay..." she says as she walks away sad and dejected.  "Thanks, Daddy" Nea says.  "I don't like the water."  "I know, Nea, but we can try some later.  It's fun to splash about!" I told her.  "But if you try it, you may like it.  Pickles does."  "You're not really helping your point, Daddy.  Pickles is weird!" said Nea.  "She thinks she's a Labrador!"   "Nea!  That wasn't nice!" reminding her to mind her manners.  "Sorry, Daddy."

At least Pickles is deaf and didn't hear this, right?

Then, I saw the sweetest thing in Dogdom.  Nea was laying in the pool...minding her own business when Pickles walked with something in her mouth.  "Oh, now what!?" I thought.  Pickles gently steps into the pool and puts whatever is in her mouth in the pool right beside a present.  Pickles looks up at Nea and the two look at each other then Nea at the "gift".  Now I'm wondering what this "gift" may be so I get up (sitting only a couple feet away, mind you) and see that it's A DEAD BABY BIRD!!  "Pickles!" I scream!  "Where in the hell did you get a dead baby bird!"  "What?  This?" she said as she looks at the bird, "it's a present for Nea!"  "I can see that, Pickles, and that was very nice" I told her "but where did you get a dead baby bird?!"  "Over there!"  "Thank you, Pickles, but you and Nea can't have a dead baby bird to play with.  It could make you sick!"  "Let me have that, Pickles, so I can bury it" I told her.  "Okay, Daddy."  I buried the bird in the trees just outside my fence and gave it a moment of silence.

So I look where she came from just before I see the bird and there is a brick turned up and a hole in the fence.  I guess it came from there but thankfully there were no more.

Doggie pools and dead baby birds as gifts!  Aren't dogs wonderful!?  I know mine are!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Stuff that happens in the Mornings!

Up at 0500 (I'm working evening shift so I get to sleep in until then and take a nap later) and get the pups up.  You all know the routine by now so not gonna cover it again.  Set the alarm.  Lock the door.  Leave the yard.  Down the alley to the street.  So far, not thinking about too much but when we round the corner, I start.

"Nea is walking good on the leash today."  "Pickles is all over the road.  She would walk a lot less if she walked a straight line."  "Oh crap, there's a cat!  I hope Nea doesn....she saw it!"  "Good, the cat saw us and ran away.  She ran away, Nea!  Let her go!"  "Okay, she forgot about the cat.  Good."  "It's hot out here.  Well, not so much hot but sticky."  "I wonder if it's sticky in Alaska?  Never mind, Donna wouldn't go and I'd never find white dogs in the snow."  "Good Nea.  You're walking good today."  "Look!  The morning guy is at Buzzy's!  I don't usually get to see him."  "Damn!  A squirrel!  And he's just sitting there!  Come on, Nea, let's run!  He'll run away!"  "Oops, he ran under a car and a bird flew out the other end of the same car!!  It's like I'm a magician!  Too funny!"  "Okay, Nea.  He's gone.  It was just a squirrel.  Yes, I know you don't like them."  "Walking makes my feet hurt.  Maybe I need new shoes.  They're $100.00.  Ouch!  I'll wait until after vacation."  "Nea, why are you stopping in the midd......."  "Poop!!  Really?"  You stopped to poop in the middle of the road!?"  We're on Broad Street!  I guess you had to go!"  "Well, it's easier to pick up when it's not in the grass!"  "Why is that radio always on?  They never turn it off!  Weird."  "We're at the park!  Puppy free time!"  "You can do whatever you want now, Nea!"  "So you sit.........  Hhmmmm.....well, it's your time so have at it."  "What are you smelling now?  Are you a narcotics dog?  Are you looking for something"  "Let's walk over here so I can throw this road poop away."  "The trash can is right there and there's trash on the ground beside it.  Are you kidding me?  Can you not be bothered with putting the trash in the can?  Lazy people."  "Look, Nea, there's the statue.  Up on the base!  Good jump!"  "Alright, heading for home now."   "Where's Pickles?  There she is...with mommy."  "Another squirrel.  Okay, Nea, leave it alone.  He doesn't want to play with you."  "Hey, there's Lee Ann's house.  Remember, you met Carby!"  "Yeah, I'll walk Pickles now."  "Hi, Pickles!  Did you have a good walk with mommy?  Good!"  "Why can't you walk in a straight line?  People will think you're drunk!"  "Damn, not that squirrel again.  Don't those things live in trees?  Why are they on the groun......Pickles!  She saw it!  Pickles!  He doesn't want to play with you, either.  No, I don't think we can chase this one and it'll turn into a bird!  I only had one trick left."  "I bet you're tired (tongue hanging out now).  I'm tired too.  Just wait until next week and we start to run sometimes.  Not too much further."  "Look!  Another cat!  You guys should be inside."  "I know you want to play, Pickles, but they don't see it that way!"  "Thirsty?  Me too. Two more blocks."  "Woo hoo!  We're home!"  "Let's take that collar off.  Now, sit still!  Quit jumping!  Don't do that!  Ouch!!  That's how you hurt your ears!"  "Breakfast!  Yummmmm."

What?!  Did you guys think I was solving world hunger?  Bringing peace to the Middle East?  I'm walking my dogs.  Just after I get up.  No deep thoughts or anything out there.  More like an inner monologue and talking to my deaf-ies as I'm walking along.  I talk to them all of the time.

They many not be able to hear, but they can see your lips move and are very intuitive so they "know" when they're doing right and, conversely, when they're messing up.  They constantly look back to see if you're there even though they can feel you at the other end of the leash.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

How I almost got thrown out of Petsmart!

So, I got plenty of sleep last night (although it was a bit warm upstairs) and had breakfast so I can't blame it on either one of those.  I walked the dogs and there were no problems there and I was in a pretty good mood.

I had to take Zach to school this morning then to Petsmart, in Mechanicsville, to get the Deli Fresh Pet food.  Everyone knows how I love the raw diet so I plug it every chance I get.  The kids went to the Petsmart on Laburnum Avenue on Sunday but they were out of the six pound tubes.  Anyway, this is where the problem started.

I had to kill some time because Petsmart didn't open until 0900 so I sat in the parking lot and got on Facebook and played some Angry Birds.  Still in a good mood, mind you.  And then Petsmart opened.  There were several people by the door so I let them all rush in.  Since they were standing by the door, waiting for the store to open, they were in a bigger hurry than I was so in ya go!  It was a few minutes after nine when I went in but before I could enter, there was an older female, wearing pajamas and walking a tan-ish fluffy dog that was about the same size and Pickles (who was not with me) who was just passing the register and bought nothing. Bought nothing!!   I saw the clerk giving her a dirty look then the older woman said, "well, that's your job".  Just then, I saw three piles of dog poop on the floor that this woman's dog had "left".  So me, thinking maybe...just maybe...she didn't know SHE was supposed to clean up the poop said politely (at first) "ma'am, you're supposed to clean up after your dog" to which she replied "that's why they're here".  In that one sentence, I had all I could take.  "Ma'am!" I said "you really should get back here and clean this up!"  I could not believe I was having this exchange with a grown and older than me person.  "That's their job!" she snorted.  Too late, asshole mode engaged!  "Get yourself back here and clean this up!!" I yelled!  I was beyond furious at this point.  "Uh, sir?" the manager said.  "What?!" was my reply and when he saw my face, he decided he wanted me mad at her and not him and said nothing.  "You can't speak to me like that!" the woman said.  "No, I SHOULDN'T speak to you like that nor should I have to speak to you at all about this but you're too rude to let it go!!"  At that point, she walked away and discretion being the better part of valor, I let her go because it was only going to get worse from there.  I could not believe that I had to have this conversation with a grown person.  I could see if, maybe, it was some kid who was walking the dog while his mother shopped on the other side of the store but oh no...this was supposed to be an adult!

I walked over to the paper towels and spray bottle to clean the poop up myself because it is not their job to clean up after "your" dog in the Petsmart.  The manager quickly stopped me and said he would handle it and he is to be commended on his quick attention to detail and for leaving me alone whilst I chastised that "person" because I could see him getting yelled at for stopping me from yelling at her!

At the register, the clerk, who was caught between the woman and I during that exchange, thanked me for speaking to the "woman" in such a manner.  I told her it was not a problem.  "That woman deserved far worse than what she got", I said.  The clerk said it happens all of the time to which I was floored.  I cannot believe that someone would bring their pet into a store, let them pee and poop about then leave it there for "them"(quoting the woman from earlier) to clean up!  You don't deserve a dog, you asshat!!  Irresponsible dog owners give us all a bad name!

You'll be happy to know that I'm calm now and my blood pressure is almost back to normal.

"But Mac, how did you almost get thrown out" you ask?  I didn't but it makes for a good headline, huh?